Monday, October 25, 2004
where are you?
my dear friend.
Last message that came in warmly was on 4th October 2004 at 1736hrs when I was half way through my tuition. It really made me want to love, to persevere and to hope for you even more. Far beyond what I know I can do.
I was utterly shocked at how distant we were even on that same day, when I made my second visit to your house. The gate tells me so, your gesture tells me so, my intuition tells me so. From that day onwards, my words to you seems cheap, unworthy of your reply. Your heart turned callous towards me, towards those who gave their all to love, care and hope in you.
The messages that comes in, appearing your name, did put a smile at my face initially but later, turns heart-wrenching. Of how distant we have gotten, of how your messages have become so commanding, of how your attitude changes. If you say that you didnt know I will wait for your response, we have distant. Why, why, why. Was it you or me?
I abhor staying up at late nights, just to flood out all the questions I want to raise yet can't into emotions. And times again, I nearly gave up the concept of persevering, of hoping and of loving. Because they have all contributed to the idea of my heart turning callous. But you know what? The reason of eternity, the reason of death, the reason of departure, the reason of completely losing you kept me back.
If you haven't know about this truth, of you being the luckiest girl being loved by me, you have been the greatest fool, who lives blindly through your sixteen years of life. You will never believe enough of the amount of tears I actually shed, the amount of brokenness I experienced before because they are all immeasurable. I don't know how much more I can do to tell you or show you how strong my love is, for you.
As for now, I got outcasted from your life, you shut me out of your life, you refused my numerous times of help. Again I pray for strength, after this session of flooding, to be even stronger in facing the future storms because I know that I can never give up on you.
Until the day you come back to this home of ours, that was created six years back, I have lost a beautiful friend.
maoed.]
at 10:34 PM
